Birthstory: Nora Lee

Nora is 4 months old today and I want to write this all down while it is still fresh in my memory. My pregnancy was relatively easy. Up until my third trimester anyways, then stress caused my blood pressure to skyrocket several times which resulted in three overnight hospital stays. The fourth and final hospital stay started out just like the others- I took my blood pressure and it was high so I decided to lie down and continue to check it. My mom came over since I was home alone (it was a Saturday evening and Steven was working) and helped monitor me and eventually made the decision that we should go in. It was already 8pm so I was resistant at first because I knew it would mean yet another overnight stay. And I was right. My husband was closing but came from work as soon as he got off and brought a few a things to me and then I sent him back home since he needed to wotk again the next morning. I was very much under the impression that I would be discharged sometime the next day and just have my medications adjusted.

The next day they continued to monitor my blood pressure and also had me doing a urine analysis which is this glamorous process where you essentially fill a jug with urine by contributing each and every drop over the course of 24 hours. I’d already done this once before at home but they wanted to once again rule out preeclampsia. I was 36 weeks and 6 days on that Sunday, so I felt okay with potentially needing to deliver early if absolutely necessary. Around 3pm I was told that I would need to stay through the night to finish the urine analysis and that was the only update she had until hearing back from the doctor. Around 6pm the doctor called the nurse and wanted to speak with me so she brought me her phone and I spoke with a doctor in my practice (not my specific doctor) who wanted me to go ahead and be induced to have our baby tomorrow. I was floored. She had spoken with my doctor and they determined that this would be best since my blood pressure continued to give us problems. I didn’t feel like I really had a choice so I accepted and meakly asked if we could try for a gentle induction because I still wanted as natural a birth as possible. She agreed and said to make sure I give my birth plan to the nurse. I gave the phone back to the nurse and she left to prepare everything.

Enter panic mode. This was it. I was not going home this time. Not without our baby earthside. They were getting an ultrasound technician to come and check Nora’s position to confirm that she was still head down and I just broke down. I was basically sobbing. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. I wasn’t ready. I wanted more time. I was losing all control.

The nurse came back in for another blood pressure reading and of course my blood pressure had skyrocketed again because I was so upset so I asked her to give me some time and try it again later. She left me alone for a while. So I began contacting my family. I was alone when all of this happened. My sister and like-a-sister friend, Lindsey, as well as my in-laws had all been to visit earlier that day but now I was freaking out and all alone. So I text my husband who was at work again and he decided to try and get off early. My mom and sister sprang into action and went to my house to gather up things that I needed and headed my way.

I was also upset about the room I was in, which in the grand scheme of things did not really matter. It was incredibly small with no windows and I wouldn’t have known any better had I not stayed in several of their labor rooms in the past. This room was tiny in comparison and did not have a window. Since I was planning on doing water labor I knew we needed more space so I asked the nurse if it would be possible to change rooms since I expected to have my husband staying with me and then my mom and doula in the room at all times, too. She went to check on it.

When she returned she let me know that there was another room I could move to and then we would begin the induction. My mom arrived at about that time so we moved everything to the new room. Once I was settled in it around 9 pm that Sunday evening (March 11th), it was time to place the Cervidil to help ripen my cervix and begin dilation. It was so much more painful and uncomfortable than I had anticipated. Sorry in advance for all of the details, but here they are. The nurse had small hands and had trouble placing it in just the right spot so she worked on getting it in place for a solid 5 minutes. It was not fun at all. And then I had to be still for at least an hour and with a third trimester pregnancy bladder- I was miserable! At one point I had to use a bedpan because I could not hold it any longer. Talk about awkward and strange. I made Steven leave the room for that lovely tidbit.

Around 1am the nurse came back in the room and needed to check to make sure it was in the correct position. Unfortunately, it wasn't so I got to endure the uncomfortable pain of adjusting it once more. The next morning we began my pitocin. I had requested that it be a gentle induction, so low doses and slow intervals of adding more in. The doctor for that day would be in to check on me a few hours later.

My mom arrived shortly before the doctor and she had cleared the day to be there with me. When the doctor arrived she came in with a new plan that she wanted me to agree with. She said that there had been some miscommunication on how far along I was. She had been under the impression that I was 37 weeks pregnant that day; however, I was actually 36 weeks and 7 days pregnant. She said that it may not seem like it would make much of a difference, but it really could and she would like to hold off on further induction until I reached 37 weeks the following day. She said they could stop the pitocin and let me rest and then begin the induction again that evening with another round of cervidil and pitocin again the next morning. I also asked her about a foley bulb catheter to help with dilation. I wanted to have as natural a birth as possible and not need as much pitocin so I thought this could be my only shot. She agreed that we could try that the next morning as well and she would place it for me as she was one of the only physicians in the practice that felt comfortable doing it. She let me have some time to think it over and discuss it with my family before making a decision on the spot.

My doula, Kirsten, arrived shortly after I had met with the doctor and discussed everything with me. The four of us went over my options and determined that delaying would not be a bad thing. It would give me some more time to prepare and rest for the journey ahead.

That Monday, March 12th I was free. Well, sort of. I was still stuck in the hospital but I was allowed to eat again so that was nice, even if it was hospital food, which admittedly wasn't so bad except I had exhausted all of the options over my previous hospital stays. Due to the pitocin that morning, I continued to have contractions throughout the day. They weren't terrible, but they were definitely there. I tried to occupy my time by listening to my Hypnobirthing tracks and just resting. I also talked my mom into playing a game with me so we sat together and played Forbidden Island. It was her first time playing so it was fun explaining how it worked.

Steven's parents wanted to bring dinner and come see us that evening so they brought my new favorite- Chicken Salad Chick which would be my last meal until baby Nora would arrive. We had to eat pretty quickly because they wanted to start the cervidil a little earlier that evening- around 7pm. So the nurse came in and Steven held my hand as I dealt with the uncomfortable pain again of her putting it in place. This time I think the pain was mostly in my head from how painful it was the previous night. I was crying because again I felt overwhelmed that this was it. It was really happening this time. She got it in place and his parents came back in and visited for a while longer before leaving us for the night.

My last bump photo! 37 weeks.

Steven was a trooper the entire time. He was still in school for electrical engineering and trying to finish up several projects that week, too.

Steven sleeping beneath my birth affirmations banner.

The next morning the nurse came in and checked me and I was 1cm dilated with 50% effacement. So not much progress on dilation, but enough for a foley bulb catheter to be inserted. The doctor came in and explained what she was going to do and talked about tension and how something would be attached to my leg and that is what would help me to dilate- the tension. I tried to listen enthusiastically as this was my shot at a more natural induction- even with the pitocin. So far I had managed with no pain medication. The nurses had told me that they personally had not seen anyone have a foley bulb without a epidural first. But I was bound and determined that this was going to work for me. She inserted it and I couldn't help but think, "That was it? Well this isn't going to be so bad." But then she taped the tension section to my leg and yup- there was that uncomfortable pain. But I thought, "I can do this. Just breathe through the pain. Just like a contraction." That is what I did for 2 hours. I breathed through the pain until I was crying because it hurt so badly. They also failed to tell me that there might be bleeding so you can imagine my shock and fear when I went to the restroom and blood was instantly everywhere. My mom helped me get cleaned up and back in the bed as Steven called the nurse and she said it was completely normal to bleed. She checked that everything was in place and then she needed to adjust the tension to make it essentially work better and that was the last straw. I was in a ton of pain and could not relax. I tried to sleep through it and could not. My doula arrived around this time and she tried to help me with relaxation techniques, but I was too far gone at that point. I asked for an analgesic to temporarily help with the pain.

The nurse came in and administered the analgesic and within a few minutes the pain had diminished quite a bit and I was able to rest. I slept on and off for another hour or two and then the doctor came in to check the foley bulb and see if it had done it's job. She gave it a tug and it came out without an issue so we were good to go. She then checked to see where I was. I had moved to 4cm dilated and 50-60% effaced. So progress! I asked about using my pump for nipple stimulation to help reduce how much pitocin my body might need and she agreed we could give it a try. My mom helped me figure out how to use my pump and we got a routine going where I would pump for 20 minutes every hour. Little did I know- we didn't have the valves attached. *facepalm* So I really wasn't stimulating much at all, but as a first time mom I didn't know any better.

The pitocin continued at regular intervals and by 2-3pm that afternoon I was definitely feeling these contractions and they were getting intense. My doula had already set up my labor pool over by the window and asked if I wanted to give it a try. I changed into a black nursing bra and black thinx underwear (since it kind of looked like a swimsuit). Once I got into the warm water I felt a sense of calm. I began thinking, "You can do this. You are strong and resilient. You are powerful." Kirsten also grabbed my iPad and turned on my hypnobirthing soundtracks and that helped, too. I leaned into the side of pool and let my body go limp focusing on relaxing the muscles around my stomach. Steven would come over and let me lean against him a bit too at times, which was nice. When a contraction came I practiced my breathing techniques and worked on relaxing through it. This went on for sometime until the nurses needed me to get out of the tub and have my monitors adjusted and checked.

The pain was much more intense out of the water. It was crazy intense. They checked me around 6pm and I had dilated to 6cm. So a little more progress but I was still a bit frustrated that I wasn't further along.

I swapped between the bed, the exercise ball, walking the hall, and using the labor tub for the next several hours. Walking helped keep me mobile but the pain was getting to where I had to stop with each contraction. My mom walked around the halls with me several times and eventually it was too much. I got back in the labor pool and I would fall asleep between contractions and take little mini naps. Then a contraction would come and my entire body would tense up in pain. Around 9-10pm I was checked again and I was around 7cm dilated. Again, more progress.

By this point the pitocin level was up pretty high and my contractions were often 1-2 minutes apart. Some of them were not tracking on the screen because I was using a wireless monitor that had been faulty. Eventually they wanted to use regular monitors so I got out of the water and accepted that I likely wouldn't have anymore water labor. Being on the bed to be monitored was miserable. The pain was so intense. I thought walking might help but moving at all was even worse. The few times I got up to use the bathroom I had to put just about all of my weight on Steven and he had to come in the bathroom with me to help brace me. Considering I had never used the restroom in front of him- this was probably traumatizing to him. He likes privacy. I grew up with conversations in the bathroom while others were using the bathroom so this was foreign to me, but he handled it like a champ.

By midnight I was absolutely writhing in pain. We had tried some analgesics and they barely touched the pain and I could not take it any more. The pitocin was still up extremely high and there was no chance of bringing it down right then since I hadn't progressed enough yet. I gave in and asked for an epidural. I felt like a failure because I had been so intent on not getting one but I just could not take the pain any longer. The man came in to give me the epidural and I could barely even sit still because my pain was so intense. Kirsten reassured me that I was doing the right thing in my situation and that I had outlasted what she probably could have endured. Her words were comforting because on the inside I was absolutely screaming at myself. I was so angry and relieved at the same time.

Once the epidural hit, I could finally rest. That man was my hero in that moment. And rest I did. I finally got to sleep through contractions that previously were hitting me way too hard. They eased off of my pitocin to let me rest overnight. I attempted to send everyone home by assuring everyone that I was fine and needed to rest. My mom insisted on staying and admittedly I am glad she did. It was a comfort having her there even if I slept through most of the night. Steven slept on the pull out couch bed and mom slept in a chair. Kirsten went home for a bit and mom promised to let her know if anything changed. Early the next morning (Wednesday, March 14th) I was checked and I was 9cm dilated. I thought, "Game on!" My mom text Kirsten and gave her an update thinking it wouldn't be too much longer. Kirsten arrived a few hours later. It was so comforting having her there and part of my birth team. I got checked later that morning and I was still at 9cm. I also got to see a familiar face- a different doctor who I had seen previously during one of my hospital stays. He was optimistic that I would push this baby girl out that day.

Then things got less optimistic. I stayed at 9cm most of that day, well 12 hours to be exact. By 4:30pm I was checked again and I was still at 9cm but he was able to easily stretch me to 10cm. He cleared me to begin pushing. I pushed for about 2 hours and they could see her head, but she was turned. The nurse thought the doctor might want to see about turning her but he seemed to think it was impossible and that I either could continue pushing a bit longer or go immediately for a c-section. I still dreaded the idea of a c-section so I opted to push. I figured I just needed to try harder.

I make the pushing section sound so easy- but it wasn't. I was definitely in the zone during each contraction and since I couldn't feel much I had to essentially use my deadened muscles and memory of what it should feel like. I was so glad I had practiced in birthing classes and with my doula. I think it really helped me understand where to bring the power from. The nurse kept telling me that I was doing so great. We swapped positions multiple times and put me on my sides and my back and then the last dyer effort I was on hands and knees- which was challenging because I couldn't feel most of my lower half. But I did it. I stayed in that position for the last hour of pushing. My mom, Kirsten, and Steven all helped to support my body the entire time I pushed. Whether it was holding my legs at the correct angle or gripping my hand. They frequently took turns wetting my frogg togg towel to help keep my face cool and comfortable. I literally could not have lasted as long as I did without this incredible team.

I pushed as hard as I possibly could have for 4.5 hours. The doctor came in again and said, it doesn't look like we are getting there and by that point I was exhausted and feeling defeated. I agreed to a c-section. At 9pm they got me ready for surgery and wheeled me back. Steven was to wait in the hall until they came and got him when all was ready to go. Steven said the doctor talked to him on his way into the operating room and said, "Well, you can't say she didn't give it the old college try! She definitely did all she could."

My mom captured this photo. She said I would want it later. In the moment I was so emotional and thought there was no way I would want to see this photo. But as she usually is-- she was right. It was our last photo as a family of two.

A c-section was absolutely the last thing I wanted. So much so that I had not ever really mentally prepared myself that it could happen. Just like I wasn't prepared to need an epidural. My epidural doctor came back in and cracked some jokes- he really lightened the mood. He assured me that I wouldn't be in any pain and he would be there the entire time if I needed him.

There was a lot of commotion behind those blue sheets and tons of pressure. It was uncomfortable but not painful. I was also shaking all over- from the epidural is what I was told. I absolutely could not control my shaking and I found it so frustrating. After what felt like forever, they lowered the blue drapes and lifted Nora up into the air for us to see. She was beautiful. A head full of hair! And she looked like a full-size baby. Being 3 weeks early I wasn't sure what to expect. At previous appointments they had anticipated she was around 7lbs, but those can be off by a pound in either direction. They took Nora over to another section of the Operating Room to check her vitals and get her measurements, before bringing her over to me. They called out, "8 pounds, 4 ounces! 21.5 inches long!" I heard one of the nurses say, "Wow, and she was three weeks early?!" Yup, that's my baby girl. She had been measuring ahead for sometime.

They brought her to me and placed her on my chest all curled up. She was beyond precious. I could not believe that she was ours. Emotion rushed all over me. Steven snapped a few pictures and I cuddled her close. She had to be taken away briefly to be suctioned out as she was choking on leftover amniotic fluid. Once they brought her back that second time I was shaking so much from the epidural that I was afraid to hold her so I told Steven to. It was breathtaking to see him with our daughter for the first time. It felt like my heart grew ten times over in that minute watching them. He brought her closer to me and we admired her while they spent time stitching me back up.

Nora is a miracle. I have suffered from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) for years and was told I would likely need fertility treatments to conceive a child. I was only on Metformin and here she is. From start to finish my labor was well over 48 hours and though it was way more than I had ever anticipated- I am so thankful that our journey ended with a healthy mom and baby.