Follow Up- Less Panic, More Life
It's been 11 days since I shared my story and I can definitely say it was so therapeutic to write things out. If you missed it- here is my blog post about sexual assault on a date my freshman year of college.
I heard his name again today. I flinched but I didn't have a panic attack. I haven't had a panic attack in the past week. And I already feel so much better. Healing takes time, but every day it gets easier and easier. I didn't think sharing would make me feel stronger, but somehow it did. Somehow I feel lighter and like I am not carrying around this huge burden on my own. I guess in some ways it feels like I have lightened the load by having such a huge support system who have my back. Community is amazing in that way.
I remember feeling so alone with my thoughts and struggles and now I feel empowered and freed by others who (unfortunately) have had similar experiences and can understand how I feel. It's made me want to open up more in general. I tend to only show the highlights on social media and I am sure it makes it seem like I have my shit together most of the time, but the truth is we are all human and each of us is going through something, big or small, everyday. I've let out some big news this year- I announced that I am bi-sexual and I've shared my story of sexual assault. Both of which could have been received with varying responses, but mostly all was positive.
I've been living my life day by day and focusing on improving my inner voice. I am working on positive talk and trying to relinquish the negative thoughts that cross my mind frequently. I am working on self-love and being gentle with myself. I tend to think I can do everything and my mom is the first to tell me I need to say "no" more and take time for myself. So if I start declining things, it is because I am taking in consideration the value of my time and what I need to recharge, not because I do not "want" to be there or spend time with anyone. I turned 30 this year and instead of reflecting on all I did in my 20s and thinking, "wow, that is a lot", I immediately thought, "What's next?" and kept going at full speed while adding more onto my plate. I'm glad that my experiences have led me to where I am now, and I hope I can find peace in the coming months and find a good rhythm of what works best for me and my family.
I took this photo a while back and I have it on my desktop at work with this quote. It reminds me that we are all part of this earth and all need someone to support us at one point or another. We fall and we crawl and we get back up again to continue our walk. And the world keeps spinning.
I heard his name again today. I flinched but I didn't have a panic attack. I haven't had a panic attack in the past week. And I already feel so much better. Healing takes time, but every day it gets easier and easier. I didn't think sharing would make me feel stronger, but somehow it did. Somehow I feel lighter and like I am not carrying around this huge burden on my own. I guess in some ways it feels like I have lightened the load by having such a huge support system who have my back. Community is amazing in that way.
I remember feeling so alone with my thoughts and struggles and now I feel empowered and freed by others who (unfortunately) have had similar experiences and can understand how I feel. It's made me want to open up more in general. I tend to only show the highlights on social media and I am sure it makes it seem like I have my shit together most of the time, but the truth is we are all human and each of us is going through something, big or small, everyday. I've let out some big news this year- I announced that I am bi-sexual and I've shared my story of sexual assault. Both of which could have been received with varying responses, but mostly all was positive.
I've been living my life day by day and focusing on improving my inner voice. I am working on positive talk and trying to relinquish the negative thoughts that cross my mind frequently. I am working on self-love and being gentle with myself. I tend to think I can do everything and my mom is the first to tell me I need to say "no" more and take time for myself. So if I start declining things, it is because I am taking in consideration the value of my time and what I need to recharge, not because I do not "want" to be there or spend time with anyone. I turned 30 this year and instead of reflecting on all I did in my 20s and thinking, "wow, that is a lot", I immediately thought, "What's next?" and kept going at full speed while adding more onto my plate. I'm glad that my experiences have led me to where I am now, and I hope I can find peace in the coming months and find a good rhythm of what works best for me and my family.
I took this photo a while back and I have it on my desktop at work with this quote. It reminds me that we are all part of this earth and all need someone to support us at one point or another. We fall and we crawl and we get back up again to continue our walk. And the world keeps spinning.
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